Brain Fart

Red shards of light outlined our silhouettes as they mingled carelessly in the long summer grass. The lake below shimmered with pristine shades of blue and silver, challenging the glory of the setting sun that lay behind it. Hills and forests encircled the scene in an infinite arc that perfectly intertwined with the pastel colors of the unpolluted atmosphere.
“I don’t want to go back,” I murmured into Will’s ear, as his hand touched my arm with the soft tone of familiarity. “I don’t ever want to go back.”
The knoll we were perched upon fell into shadow as the sun succumbed to the comforts of the other side of the globe. The barely existent light caught the intensity that shone from his sparkling blue eyes as they turned to meet my own. “I’m not going to let you abandon everything you’ve worked so tirelessly for.”
As I clung to his broad shoulders I replayed the devastating events of the past few weeks, desperately trying to find a way to salvage my career, my reputation and my family. I had become a national spectacle, a household name unknown only to the deaf landscape that surrounded me. “But I can’t fix this Will!” I cried in exasperation as I enviously gazed at the dancing stars above.
“You don’t need to fix this; you simply need to survive it.”
Although his words resonated with truth I couldn’t accept them. My weakened heart had been stripped of any remnants of confidence and hope.
We lay silently in the pale reflected starlight that emanated from the calm lake, unable to venture towards the small cabin we had never reached. My head had begun to fall towards Will’s shoulder when the power of electricity suddenly glared from behind. Will jumped and turned to face the oncoming headlights as I gained my footing in the loose soil. The vehicle inched its way down the driveway of boulders and rock, eventually halting about fifteen feet from our confused and rigid figures. A woman emerged and jogged towards us, all the while shouting “Mom! Dad!”
It was our daughter Katie, the sole confidante we had revealed our choice of sanctuary to. “What is it?” Will inquired as we both studied the angst that revealed itself in the taught lines of her face.
“He’s dead,” she whispered only slightly louder then the passing breeze.

Determination

The legacy of a life is determined by the mark one leaves behind. It has always been my dream to positively impact the course of the human race, and become an individual remembered for centuries to come. Indeed my passion for history stems from my admiration of historical figures that single handedly altered our very existence through their possession of emotions such as determination and courage. My dedicated study of the prominent characters of the past has taught me that greatness is not something that one can receive, but rather is a rare level of focus and commitment that one must achieve. If I were freed from the worldly restraints of money and material goods, I would begin my journey of helping others by becoming a pro bono surgeon. With my training and knowledge I would travel the world and provide completely free medical care to people in need. Along the way I would distribute valuable medications and medical equipment to regions that previously could not afford these resources. After a number of years into these endeavors I would hope to have enough support to start a foundation dedicated to the allocation of medical materials and hospital personnel to these impoverished areas. My accomplishments would give the world’s deprived citizens the priceless gift of good health and also a more equitable opportunity to succeed. Even though a limitless bank account would further my ability to achieve my dream of changing the face of world health care, the motivation to do so can only come from within. No matter what the circumstances are, I can realize my dreams through my desire to change the future, and leave my signature upon the history books I love so dearly.

Medicine Camp

Hawaii is a world unto itself, a diverse society that changes its inhabitants and teaches them to view one another without regard for race or economic distinction. My unique upbringing was never so apparent to me as it was when I attended the National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine, a program that exposes youth to the medical profession through guest speakers and hospital visits. The Forum mainly consisted of upper middle class teenagers who largely ignored the few under privileged students. It upset me when my study group would not listen to Kristille, a girl from the south side of Chicago, simply because they failed to understand or accept her. Every day I could feel Kristille's frustration mount as her thoughts failed to reach the ears of our group members, who barely even looked her in the eyes when she spoke. I wanted Kristille to be heard so I referred back to her during heated discussions, encouraged her to speak her mind, and later reiterated her ideas so the group could realize the validity of her statements. Kristille appreciated my efforts, and I became the only outsider to socialize with the students from the south side of Chicago. This experience not only confirmed my dream to become a doctor, but also allowed me to realize how fortunate I am to have grown up in a culturally rich environment.

Captain Vere

Men want nothing more than order, or so Captain Vere believes. In Melville's novel Billy Budd the self-assured Captain presents obedience to the law as an ideal, and seems to propose that humans are sinful creatures who inherently need firm guidance. These ideas fundamentally contradict my personal convictions, for I side with Thoreau on the issue of universal truth, and adamantly assert that everyone possesses a common sense of morality and justice. The story of Billy Budd, a young, handsome and naturally innocent sailor who in a moment of aggression kills his false accuser and later pays for it with his life, irritated and deeply disturbed me. Initially the ship's officers want to let Billy go without punishment, understanding that Billy's striking of his superior shipmate had been unfairly provoked. However, before the papers can be signed, Captain Vere delivers a fervent speech asserting that although Billy is innocent in the eyes of God, he must be executed in accordance with the adamant laws of the British Navy. I pondered these developments and my subsequent emotions, and was convinced in the rightness of my belief that people must listen to their conscience and always do what is just, even if doing so diverges from what society deems acceptable. Through my eyes, Captain Vere chose to disobey his conscience and the laws of God to execute a man he knew was innocent in order to satisfy the simply mundane and worldly principles of law and order. In all, reading Billy Budd confirmed my belief that people need to listen to their sense of justice within if they are to attain true morality. The human conscience can prevail if we give it a chance.

Athletics

Right now I am emersed within the Varsity Tennis season, and it has been a time plagued by adversity. To begin the season, a coach that I had been helping me learn the game for over six years left, leaving me feel like I no longer had an advocate within the coaching staff. Two weeks into the season I severely twisted my ankle while running, forcing me to sit out for a week, and then continue to play through the pain for two more weeks. Right after spring break, as I finally began to feel that my angle was completely healed, I re-sprained my angle while lunging for a volley, an event that occurred only four weeks before the ILH tournament, the most important time of the season. I have now been relegated to a constant state of disability, as my ankle brace can no longer leave my body out of fear for yet another injury. This Friday the post-season begins and I will dominate all of the competition. It is my senior season, and although I know that my ankle is pretty seriously hurt, physical pain is only temporary and regret of not completing my final season will last a lifetime. Being an athlete is having such a degree of mental strength, that no level of physical effort or discomfort can keep her from acheiving her goals, because unlike the untrained, she knows that life is all about mental toughness, and only the most determined will succeed.

Decisions

I have finally received all of my admissions decisions, but I feel more anxious than ever before. I am only eighteen years old, barely old enough to vote and leave my parents without legal ramifications, how am I supposed to measure the strengths of numerous solid options against my personality and come to a decision that will affect the very course of my life. Although I am beginning to have a clear idea of what I should do, my nerves are still shaking while silent whispers of fear leave doubts embedded within my subconscious. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and I am sure that this will work out in the end, but until I am absolutely one hundred percent positive I won't be incredibly comfortable with whatever it is that I decide. Coming from Hawaii, I just can't figure out what kind of social and cultural environment I prefer, so I hope I can gain a more legitimate grasp upon who I am and what I like as soon as possible.

Discotech

The resounding thrum of massive stereos mercilessly beating their rhythms upon the daily ravaged boards of the dance floor inspires sensations of comfort and happiness in millions of youth. After six weeks spent hopping among the discotecas of Barcelona I willingly became a convert, a girl yearning to let loose and dance in the care free environment dominated by emotional highs, and if all goes well, drama. As the most played song on my ipod, which shares the name of this post, describes, we've been waiting a long time so let's get down. It's not prophetic, but it is a statement which captures the confined and trapped paranoia that grips even the most individualistic characters of young adulthood. Rules and direction spew from every angle, from the wanted to the desperately unwanted. We all want to escape, to momentarily loose control of our actions and avoid the unavoidable pressure that surrounds the promise a young life posseses. Of course some choose to do so through substances, others through sport and activity, and others through the discotech. If one can't understand or comprehend the pure adrenaline rush a disco can provide one only needs to listen to Young Love's "Discotech" to taste the tingling of excitement. Let go and dance.

Shafted

Rejection is awful, but to never be given a chance is worse. For the past couple months this has certainly been the overriding feeling I have experienced in a particular field in which I have invested an overwhelming amount of time in. To feel useless and worthless in a place that means so much to me has been aggravating at the least, and it has taken all of my mental strength and energy to maintain considerable composure. I know that in less than a single lingering moment of time I will be far away from this place and this irritating instance will be nothing more than a vague shadow of a memory resigned to the repository of unpleasant experiences, but my logical reasoning can't undo my emotions. I just desperately want this time to pass, to move onto commitments that will actually enable me to feel needed and desired. It's not that I'm a particularly demanding individual, but like any human being I need gratification and recognition to feel the adrenaline of confidence and self-assured talent. The one thing I have learned, however, is that never again will I allow myself to be placed into a situation where being shafted is even remotely possible. Through work and sheer determination I will always be watched.

13 years

My entire life has revolved around the encompassing institution that is Punahou School. Both of my parents attended Punahou in the 1970's, and from the moment I left the hospital, t-shirts adorned with hala shirts dominated my wardrobe. At the age of two I entered a preschool renowned for its ability to place its students within Punahou's morning glory decorated walls. The world of buff and blue lay before my feet, and with one simple letter of admission I quickly took the step required to stand atop it. This is the position I have been stuck in ever since. Every moment of relief and escape I received evaporated in the short weeks of childhood summers and vacations, and every mini step I took away from my home was quickly rescinded by a nervous jump backward. Although I know this year will finally become the year of my escape, I still can't believe that the angle my life has followed thus far is so close to ending. I can't truly imagine existence away from a Snack Bar filled with chili and rise, posadas, and pizza sticks. I know I won't believe it until all of my belongings have been packed, and the city of Honolulu begins to dissappear outside the cloudy viewpoint of the left window.

Anxiety

The month of March has allowed me to experience a level of anxiety and doubt that has brushed my life only a few times before. Upon finaling finishing my dreaded college essays in early January, I happily and willingly pushed the college issue from my mind. During these weeks of bliss the impending moment in which I will finally decide where I will spend the next four years of my life barely brushed my conscious line of thought. However, the very second March came into being the omnipresent realization that a major decision will have to be made in the extremely encrouching future hit me, and not a day passes without my thoughts lingering upon the doom and hope that I will shortly experience. It is not that I fear my decision letters, but it is frustrating for me to know that most of the decisions in regards to my future have already been cast. I know I am going to go to college somewhere, so why can't someone provide me with the answer as to exactly where I am going to end up. It is hard to be excited for the future when you can't envision it. I am more than ready to feel the adrenaline that the idea of definitive escape from these volcanic islands must provide, and I desire the certainty of telling everyone who asks exactly what direction my life is moving in. I am sick of waiting!

March Madness

My breath shortens and my heart beat quickens everytime I imagine the dozens of games characterized by extreme emotion and raw talent. It is the epitome of some of the most talented athletes' entire year, and is a moment of unity not only for the players, but also for their representative schools and communities. The term madness is truly an appropriate adjective for this tournament, as it displays highs and low as well as levels of crowd and fan involvement that the NBA lacks. Right now I am busily filling out my brackets, constantly yearning for the moment that the true sporting highlight of the year will begin. I often amaze people, for my passion for athletics is a drive few females possess. I find it extremely ignorant when people demean sports and label them as activities requiring little to no intelligence. Athletics require mental discipline and a level of self control void in any other form of study. In other words,sporting simply demonstrates a different type of intelligence, arguably just as important as the ability to memorize formulas and information. In essence, March Madness is a soul soothing demonstration of human strength and will at its highest degree of talent. Something no one in their right mind would consciously choose to miss or ignore.

Pledge of Allegiance

I think the pledge of allegiance is awesome, Zach. America is a noble experiment characterized by freedom and individuality, and never before in the course of history has a group of citizens so diverse and marked by extreme differences managed to coexist in such a peaceful manner. The Pledge of Allegiance is a symbol of this unity, for despite one's country of birth or ethnic background, every American citizen essentially ignores their grievances to stand and recite these words out of love and respect for their nation. I personally find it devastating and outrageous that certain people refuse to even exert the physical energy it takes to stand during this patriotic moment, out of their distaste for one simple word- God. It is true that America is a secular country, and being so, should encourage religious freedom. Yet simultaneously, America was founded by Christian men with deep spiritual beliefs in God and the afterlife. Indeed one only has to take a general American History course to know that the original settlers of America were almost entirely extremely devout Christians, so in a historical sense, it's only logical that the pledge written to symbolize a distinctly religious country would include a phrase addressing God. People who refuse to recite the pledge are only trying to ignore history. History shouldn't be rewritten, it should be acknowledged and understood, just as it should be accepted that the founders of this country were religious. If you still don't want to say the word God, simply stand out of respect for your country and fellow citizens, and remain silent. To completely ignore the pledge in absolute defiance is rude, and shows a complete lack of appreciation for the rights and freedom this great country has given you.

Faith

Faith is what drives evey human being's desire to live, anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is full of crap. Everyday we drudge through the motions, maintaining faith that tomorrow will be better. We all have faith that our lives will become something meaningful, the beauty of a hollywood movie set to a grand philharmonic, with a degree of happiness known only to the emotionally priviledged. Our mortality frightens us, so we have faith in a form of existence beyond, a fundamental hope that releases us from our fear of death and finite ends, at least for a few precious moments. From science to Christinaity and Islam we all cling to something greater than ourselves, ideas that paint a picture of an organized and thoughtful universe. It is those that lose faith, and all the subsequent beliefs in progress and the infinite, that fall prematurely. We all need to have hope, and believe, despite the supposed evidence to the contrary, that our lives our full of signifance and undefinable importance. Above all, have faith, for there is no greater comfort.

Technology

I have alot of really mixed feelings in regards to the devices that dominate our daily lives. On one hand, I really like the convenience of accessing the entire volume of my music collection on one small and easy device, yet on the other, the dependence i display towards my ipod sickens me. Everyday, time vanishes as we succumb to the mundane pleasure of time spent viewing random information, pictures, and opinions. It is an escapade into the virtual, an escape from our present, material existence in exchange for one with an immaterial and formless reality. One can argue that this daily reversion is a source of healthy mental stimulus, but I personally see it as a continuing digression towards a world void of responsibility and full of disillusion. A perfect example of how technology is corrupting the behavior of the masses is the growing numbers of relationships that begin and end along the wires of communication. Rather than living their lives through its raw physical nature, and the anxiety that comes with it, they choose to avoid the issue via the great instruments of "progress" that humankind has created. The lines of reality have been blurred, people now know that they don't have to face problems head on, and they don't have to take responsibility for their actions, they simply need to reroute and re-word, something the daily routinues of our society has provided us plenty of practice with.

Meaningless

He had just spilled a Budweiser on his purple, leather couch when the door bell rang, and the soft sound of whispers permeated the dangerously thin apartment walls. He shot a glance back over his discolored and hairy shoulder, closely analyzing the curvy silhoutte falling across the cloudy glass plane that served as the top half of the door since a particularly intoxicated morning. With a sharp snap he lifted his legs from the sticky piece of furniture as his bulging body awkwardly tried to follow. After stumbling across the faded navy carpet and through the various plastic wrappers that enveloped it, he managed to successfully unjam the rusty and unrecognizable doorknob to discover a woman clad in a monotone grey jumpsuit closely clutching an oversized cage that reached her waist. Apparently unphazed by his disheveled appearance and outfit consisting of a wifebeater and boxers, she proceeded to move into the apartment, explaining that the court had ordered the immediate removal of his two dogs to the Humane Society. Yet her words had already faded into clamor, as he fixed his eyes back upon the captivating images of a infomercial for knives. Silently, the woman collected the weary animals from a pen in a room with a mattress, dully noting the torn college diploma that was being used as the dogs' pee pad. On the heavy trek back to the door she paused as she walked passed an eviction notice, immediately feeling the urge to say something, even if only the back of his balding head would receive it. It was a worthless gesture, for only the mundane broadcasts of commercialized entertainment had meaning to the man anylonger.

Responsibility

As human beings we are all completely responsible for our decisions. No one is ever forced to do anything, and no matter what the circumstances may be, we all always have the ability to make a choice. Granted, there are some situations in which one might be strongly influenced to take a certain path, but the choice, despite our ignorant denunciations, will still remain. Human behavior in regards to responsibility really irritates me, particularly when people become consumed by the little phrase "I have to", applying these words and their implications to nearly every scenario they encounter. In reality it is nothing more than a miniscule device used to bury the remnants of personal responsibility beneath the supposed obligations one maintains to society and the general citizenry as a whole. This is absolutley ludicrous, since as an individual, each and every human being can determine their own distinct relationship with society, one that in no way has to follow accustomed norms. Those around us can and should influence an individual, but they in no way dictate his actions. In other words people would rather abound their insecurities upon the abstract commitments and connections that surround them, rather than accept the fact that their problems generate from within. This may be a natural human action, but it is still a needless one that ultimately causes trust and communication to disentigrate in favor of doubt and blame. We all must accept our imperfections and recognize that we must carefully calculate our decision making for once our aims have been realized, for better or worse, we must decide between the pure and corrupt. To hold ourselves accountable, or enslave our consciences into believing that humanity, not the individual, is to blame.