Shafted

Rejection is awful, but to never be given a chance is worse. For the past couple months this has certainly been the overriding feeling I have experienced in a particular field in which I have invested an overwhelming amount of time in. To feel useless and worthless in a place that means so much to me has been aggravating at the least, and it has taken all of my mental strength and energy to maintain considerable composure. I know that in less than a single lingering moment of time I will be far away from this place and this irritating instance will be nothing more than a vague shadow of a memory resigned to the repository of unpleasant experiences, but my logical reasoning can't undo my emotions. I just desperately want this time to pass, to move onto commitments that will actually enable me to feel needed and desired. It's not that I'm a particularly demanding individual, but like any human being I need gratification and recognition to feel the adrenaline of confidence and self-assured talent. The one thing I have learned, however, is that never again will I allow myself to be placed into a situation where being shafted is even remotely possible. Through work and sheer determination I will always be watched.

13 years

My entire life has revolved around the encompassing institution that is Punahou School. Both of my parents attended Punahou in the 1970's, and from the moment I left the hospital, t-shirts adorned with hala shirts dominated my wardrobe. At the age of two I entered a preschool renowned for its ability to place its students within Punahou's morning glory decorated walls. The world of buff and blue lay before my feet, and with one simple letter of admission I quickly took the step required to stand atop it. This is the position I have been stuck in ever since. Every moment of relief and escape I received evaporated in the short weeks of childhood summers and vacations, and every mini step I took away from my home was quickly rescinded by a nervous jump backward. Although I know this year will finally become the year of my escape, I still can't believe that the angle my life has followed thus far is so close to ending. I can't truly imagine existence away from a Snack Bar filled with chili and rise, posadas, and pizza sticks. I know I won't believe it until all of my belongings have been packed, and the city of Honolulu begins to dissappear outside the cloudy viewpoint of the left window.

Anxiety

The month of March has allowed me to experience a level of anxiety and doubt that has brushed my life only a few times before. Upon finaling finishing my dreaded college essays in early January, I happily and willingly pushed the college issue from my mind. During these weeks of bliss the impending moment in which I will finally decide where I will spend the next four years of my life barely brushed my conscious line of thought. However, the very second March came into being the omnipresent realization that a major decision will have to be made in the extremely encrouching future hit me, and not a day passes without my thoughts lingering upon the doom and hope that I will shortly experience. It is not that I fear my decision letters, but it is frustrating for me to know that most of the decisions in regards to my future have already been cast. I know I am going to go to college somewhere, so why can't someone provide me with the answer as to exactly where I am going to end up. It is hard to be excited for the future when you can't envision it. I am more than ready to feel the adrenaline that the idea of definitive escape from these volcanic islands must provide, and I desire the certainty of telling everyone who asks exactly what direction my life is moving in. I am sick of waiting!

March Madness

My breath shortens and my heart beat quickens everytime I imagine the dozens of games characterized by extreme emotion and raw talent. It is the epitome of some of the most talented athletes' entire year, and is a moment of unity not only for the players, but also for their representative schools and communities. The term madness is truly an appropriate adjective for this tournament, as it displays highs and low as well as levels of crowd and fan involvement that the NBA lacks. Right now I am busily filling out my brackets, constantly yearning for the moment that the true sporting highlight of the year will begin. I often amaze people, for my passion for athletics is a drive few females possess. I find it extremely ignorant when people demean sports and label them as activities requiring little to no intelligence. Athletics require mental discipline and a level of self control void in any other form of study. In other words,sporting simply demonstrates a different type of intelligence, arguably just as important as the ability to memorize formulas and information. In essence, March Madness is a soul soothing demonstration of human strength and will at its highest degree of talent. Something no one in their right mind would consciously choose to miss or ignore.

Pledge of Allegiance

I think the pledge of allegiance is awesome, Zach. America is a noble experiment characterized by freedom and individuality, and never before in the course of history has a group of citizens so diverse and marked by extreme differences managed to coexist in such a peaceful manner. The Pledge of Allegiance is a symbol of this unity, for despite one's country of birth or ethnic background, every American citizen essentially ignores their grievances to stand and recite these words out of love and respect for their nation. I personally find it devastating and outrageous that certain people refuse to even exert the physical energy it takes to stand during this patriotic moment, out of their distaste for one simple word- God. It is true that America is a secular country, and being so, should encourage religious freedom. Yet simultaneously, America was founded by Christian men with deep spiritual beliefs in God and the afterlife. Indeed one only has to take a general American History course to know that the original settlers of America were almost entirely extremely devout Christians, so in a historical sense, it's only logical that the pledge written to symbolize a distinctly religious country would include a phrase addressing God. People who refuse to recite the pledge are only trying to ignore history. History shouldn't be rewritten, it should be acknowledged and understood, just as it should be accepted that the founders of this country were religious. If you still don't want to say the word God, simply stand out of respect for your country and fellow citizens, and remain silent. To completely ignore the pledge in absolute defiance is rude, and shows a complete lack of appreciation for the rights and freedom this great country has given you.

Faith

Faith is what drives evey human being's desire to live, anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is full of crap. Everyday we drudge through the motions, maintaining faith that tomorrow will be better. We all have faith that our lives will become something meaningful, the beauty of a hollywood movie set to a grand philharmonic, with a degree of happiness known only to the emotionally priviledged. Our mortality frightens us, so we have faith in a form of existence beyond, a fundamental hope that releases us from our fear of death and finite ends, at least for a few precious moments. From science to Christinaity and Islam we all cling to something greater than ourselves, ideas that paint a picture of an organized and thoughtful universe. It is those that lose faith, and all the subsequent beliefs in progress and the infinite, that fall prematurely. We all need to have hope, and believe, despite the supposed evidence to the contrary, that our lives our full of signifance and undefinable importance. Above all, have faith, for there is no greater comfort.

Technology

I have alot of really mixed feelings in regards to the devices that dominate our daily lives. On one hand, I really like the convenience of accessing the entire volume of my music collection on one small and easy device, yet on the other, the dependence i display towards my ipod sickens me. Everyday, time vanishes as we succumb to the mundane pleasure of time spent viewing random information, pictures, and opinions. It is an escapade into the virtual, an escape from our present, material existence in exchange for one with an immaterial and formless reality. One can argue that this daily reversion is a source of healthy mental stimulus, but I personally see it as a continuing digression towards a world void of responsibility and full of disillusion. A perfect example of how technology is corrupting the behavior of the masses is the growing numbers of relationships that begin and end along the wires of communication. Rather than living their lives through its raw physical nature, and the anxiety that comes with it, they choose to avoid the issue via the great instruments of "progress" that humankind has created. The lines of reality have been blurred, people now know that they don't have to face problems head on, and they don't have to take responsibility for their actions, they simply need to reroute and re-word, something the daily routinues of our society has provided us plenty of practice with.

Meaningless

He had just spilled a Budweiser on his purple, leather couch when the door bell rang, and the soft sound of whispers permeated the dangerously thin apartment walls. He shot a glance back over his discolored and hairy shoulder, closely analyzing the curvy silhoutte falling across the cloudy glass plane that served as the top half of the door since a particularly intoxicated morning. With a sharp snap he lifted his legs from the sticky piece of furniture as his bulging body awkwardly tried to follow. After stumbling across the faded navy carpet and through the various plastic wrappers that enveloped it, he managed to successfully unjam the rusty and unrecognizable doorknob to discover a woman clad in a monotone grey jumpsuit closely clutching an oversized cage that reached her waist. Apparently unphazed by his disheveled appearance and outfit consisting of a wifebeater and boxers, she proceeded to move into the apartment, explaining that the court had ordered the immediate removal of his two dogs to the Humane Society. Yet her words had already faded into clamor, as he fixed his eyes back upon the captivating images of a infomercial for knives. Silently, the woman collected the weary animals from a pen in a room with a mattress, dully noting the torn college diploma that was being used as the dogs' pee pad. On the heavy trek back to the door she paused as she walked passed an eviction notice, immediately feeling the urge to say something, even if only the back of his balding head would receive it. It was a worthless gesture, for only the mundane broadcasts of commercialized entertainment had meaning to the man anylonger.

Responsibility

As human beings we are all completely responsible for our decisions. No one is ever forced to do anything, and no matter what the circumstances may be, we all always have the ability to make a choice. Granted, there are some situations in which one might be strongly influenced to take a certain path, but the choice, despite our ignorant denunciations, will still remain. Human behavior in regards to responsibility really irritates me, particularly when people become consumed by the little phrase "I have to", applying these words and their implications to nearly every scenario they encounter. In reality it is nothing more than a miniscule device used to bury the remnants of personal responsibility beneath the supposed obligations one maintains to society and the general citizenry as a whole. This is absolutley ludicrous, since as an individual, each and every human being can determine their own distinct relationship with society, one that in no way has to follow accustomed norms. Those around us can and should influence an individual, but they in no way dictate his actions. In other words people would rather abound their insecurities upon the abstract commitments and connections that surround them, rather than accept the fact that their problems generate from within. This may be a natural human action, but it is still a needless one that ultimately causes trust and communication to disentigrate in favor of doubt and blame. We all must accept our imperfections and recognize that we must carefully calculate our decision making for once our aims have been realized, for better or worse, we must decide between the pure and corrupt. To hold ourselves accountable, or enslave our consciences into believing that humanity, not the individual, is to blame.